Forgotten Read online

  “Yeah?” Her words had the ring of practice in them. He wondered how many times she said the same things to him.

  “Yup. I think it’s because I hit you. So what do you remember this time?”

  Kaie scooted up, leaning his back against the wall. It put a distance between them that, after so many days of her vanishing, he wasn’t sure he liked. Whoever she was, whatever she meant to him before, she was something good in a place where there was nothing else. He didn’t want her to disappear again. “My name. Some of what they did to me. My time in the cell.”

  “Nothing else?”

  He knew what she was asking. He just didn’t know what answer to give. “They did this to me before, then? How many times?”

  Peren’s smile fell apart. The right corner of her mouth turned up, like she was trying to summon it back. But that expression broke too. The end result was one very similar to a kicked puppy. “This is the fifth. They bring you here, Vaughan and I try to put you back together, and then they take you away. We don’t even know if you’re alive until they bring you back empty again.”

  Kaie watched her. He watched as she curled up into herself, tucking her legs tight against her chest and folding her arms over her knees. What was there to say to that? Thanks? That didn’t seem to cover it. He wanted to make the lines of appearing on her face go away. With or without his memories, this girl was important. Seeing her like this, knowing why, it brought back the anger. His fists clenched, longing for the feeling of the unmovable stone beneath them.

  “How long? How long have they been doing this to me?”

  “The first time was about a year ago.”

  His fists opened and closed again. Kaie was on his feet in an instant, ignoring the wave of dizziness, pacing the length of his new location. Two of the walls were made off a pale, shoddy wood. So was the roof above him. The back wall was made of a light brown wood. There were two fireplaces built into it at one time, but one was closed up with what appeared to be planks of the same wood and some sort of cloth. The other one extended out into room, separated from the rest of the dirt floor by a tightly packed stone lining. The final side of the room was nothing more than a pair of massive animal hides. The place didn’t smell of dead things, and the color was largely leeched out of them, so he assumed they were old. A thin red ribbon was sewn into one of them, and the bright hue stood out from the rest of the colorless room.

  Kaie stared at all of it, seeking a connection with anything. But there was nothing, besides her. His cell conjured more familiarity than anything in the small room. That thought twisted around in his stomach, tightening the knot up again. The peaceful, safe feeling evaporated. She watched him pace, chin resting against her knees, staring with those huge blue eyes of hers. His hands ached with the need to hit something, but he couldn’t shake the weight of those eyes.

  “Why?” he demanded.

  She was quiet for a while. He fought down the urge to shake the words out of her mouth. He didn’t know anything. How was he supposed to sort out how to stop these people, if he didn’t know why they were taking his mind away from him? Five times. Five gods damned times.

  Finally, Peren spoke with a soft, sad voice. “You have magic. That’s what they do to slaves with magic, make them Hollows. Usually only takes the once, though.”

  He stopped, his brows coming together in a tight pinch. “You want to run that by me again, precious?”

  “Which part?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he snapped. “It’s all so damn fascinating.”

  Kaie spun on her, prepared to be furious, but it all melted away when he met her gaze. This was his phantom, and she was important. And, though he couldn’t possibly know, he was absolutely certain she was telling him the truth. Peren wasn’t responsible for the chasm in his memory. She took care of him. With a sigh, he sat back down across from her, folding up his legs and resigning himself to being patient with this tiny, stunning, sad girl. “The second part. Start with that. I’m a slave?”

  Her head tilted, just a bit. He almost missed it, and wasn’t sure it actually counted as a nod. “Not just you,” she murmured slowly. “We all are. Vaughan says there are 72 slaves on the Autumnsong estate. 78, if you count the Hollows. The ones who are actually Hollows, I mean. But we don’t count them anymore. So 72.”

  Kaie considered this news, swallowing back several angry comments in favor of something more likely to win him answers. Maybe something that wouldn’t add any more sadness to the girl’s heavy voice. There didn’t seem to be any magical words like that, though. “How long? Why?”

  Peren sighed and squeezed her legs tighter. “We met right after you were first brought here. The Finders took you and your village about a two years ago. It’s what the Urazin Empire does. It takes over countries, imprisons most of the nobles and enslaves a lot of the peasants. Vaughan says it’s because they don’t have the resources to support their own population, so they have to…” she shook her head. “You should ask him about it. You two used to talk about that stuff a lot. It never seemed important to me. It’s just what they do. You and me, the other 70, we just got swallowed up by a monster and this is what happens to us unimportant people after that.”

  Kaie swallowed hard against protests. He was not unimportant. He didn’t know what he was, but he was certain of that. But it wasn’t Peren who needed to be taught that lesson. She took care of him, when it clearly hurt her to do it. He must matter to her. He forced his attention on to the next piece of the puzzle. “And the magic?”

  “You never talked about it,” she confessed. “Not to me. Not really. Vaughan said you have more of it than anyone he’s ever heard of. But I can’t tell you anything else.”

  “You said they make Hollows out of slaves with magic?” he asked. Peren nodded. Kaie rubbed at his head and slid back down, trying to figure out how all these pieces fit together. Somehow, there was a way everything made sense. He needed to sort it out. “So who reported me? This Vaughan?”

  She shook her head. “No. He showed you his magic, to win your trust. Vaughan – my brother – he would never, never report someone for magic. Not anyone, but especially not you. You’re too special. To both of us.” Peren pressed her eyes closed and he saw the glimmer of water clinging to her long eyelashes. “I don’t know for sure, no one was there but you and the Mistress, but I think you told her.”

  Kaie scoffed. “Me? Why the hell would I do that?”

  Peren was quiet again. Kaie took a deep breath, leaned forward to prop his elbows against his knees, and bit his tongue while he waited for her. After a moment she began to slowly unfold. First her arms dropped to her sides, then one knee slid down, followed slowly by the other. Another moment, and she leaned forward and brushed the back of his hand with two dainty fingers.

  “You never told me,” she whispered at last. “Vaughan thinks you did it to get away, that you used your magic on the Mistress and tried to run. But he didn’t see you that morning, like I did. You weren’t going to run. I didn’t know you were going to do this. I thought… I suppose I thought you were going to get yourself killed. But you came back. Part of you came back.”

  “Why?” he repeated, muscles in his jaw twitching in protest of his calm tone. “I didn’t tell you. Ok. But you know me, right? Knew me? So why?”

  Peren shifted closer to him, paused, then shifted a little more. In a moment she was close enough to him to lace those delicate fingers through his. Her hand was like a child’s. It was soft and clean, even the patches of blotchy red skin running all the way up her arm. It looked like burn marks, but it was just as smooth as the skin around it. It didn’t feel like the hand of a slave.

  He squeezed her fingers, just a little. Kaie didn’t know if she was trying to comfort him or if he was supposed to be comforting her. It didn’t really matter.

  “It’s a complicated story. Are you sure?” she said.

  “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t.”

  She nodded and bit her bottom lip fo
r a second. She was shaky, he could see it. But Peren tried to smile for him. “Some things happened with a girl from your life before the Finders brought you here, before the brand on your shoulder. She didn’t like me. She made sure I knew it. I was in trouble. You and Vaughan came to save me like heroes out of the stories. It was quite impressive.”

  “Sure it was,” Kaie agreed readily, trying to sort the details left out of the story.

  “You won. You saved me. But a man died.”

  “Okay. Well the only complicated part about that is figuring out what in the Abyss that has to do with two women playing around in my head. What aren’t you telling me?”

  “A lot,” she confessed. “I’m not trying to keep secrets. I just don’t know what to say. The man’s death isn’t directly to blame for the Namer, but it was a problem. He belonged to the Mistress’s niece, Lady Luna. She’s…terrifying. And she was keen on you. We don’t know why. If you did, you never said. The Mistress tried to keep you from her, but when Samuel died, we all knew that was done. Either she was going to put you to death, or she was giving you to Lady Luna. The good bet was Luna.”

  “Sounds like fun. I’m still not seeing how that would motivate me toward spontaneous confessions.”

  “I know you were determined not to get handed over to Lady Luna,” she said quietly. “The things she does…You would’ve betrayed Vaughan. We all knew it. You wouldn’t want to, but you would. Everyone she gets betrays, in the end. That’s what she does. But why you decided to be a Hollow, instead of making the Mistress kill you…All I know is that you did it to protect me.”

  He scowled and tried to pull away, his whole body nearly shaking with the need to move. Her smile fell apart again. Peren dropped her other hand on top of his, clinging to him like he was all that kept her from floating away. “A Hollow. Like the ones I met when the younger bitch decided it was time for my nap. How do they do it?”

  She drew in a slow breath. “They don’t tell us. I can only tell you that people get taken away normal, they stay away for weeks, and come back empty. You saw them. Vaughan doesn’t even know what they do.”

  “Crawl into your head and rip everything out,” Kaie muttered. He took in a slow breath. “I must have had a plan. Why aren’t I like them? The other Hollows. How did I intend to get away?”

  “You didn’t tell me anything.”

  “Not much of an answer.”

  “It’s all I have.” He thought she was going to cry, that the tears he saw gathering in the corners of her eyes were going to spill down her pale cheeks. Then, suddenly, she was better. Her face smoothed and she was up on her feet. It wasn’t a graceful stretching out, either. She managed to kick him twice in the process. Somehow, the girl gained four extra limbs while she was in motion. “Want to meet your son?”

  Air rushed out of Kaie’s throat. His child, like the woman said. His son. “My son?”

  Peren offered him a hand. Kaie half expected it to smack him in the eye as she reached toward him. “I have a son?”

  As her fingers wrapped around his again Kaie blinked. She looked older. She was still more sharp angles than not, and every bit as stunning, but she was beautiful now too. Her body was lean muscle and so tan there was no hint of the pale, blotchy skin he was just holding. Her hair was white hot fire, and her hips…Gods, they made him ache. She laughed at him. “Of course you have a son! Yours is the blood of the phoenix, and you must father the dragons!”

  Kaie blinked again, tugging his hand away to rub at his eyes. “What did you say?”

  Peren tilted her head, giving him a confused look. “I said yes. You have a son.” She let go of his hand. “He’s outside, with Vaughan. I needed to make sure… Sometimes, when you’ve come home, you aren’t ok. I had to be sure, before… Do you want to meet him?”

  Finding it indescribably difficult to get the word out, Kaie just nodded.

  A pale, thin man followed Peren in through the hide doorway. One glance was all it took to know it was her brother. The two wore the same angles, though they looked quite different on the boy. Better, maybe. Less awkward. But less interesting, too. And while his eyes were nearly as big and nearly as blue, they lacked the sharpness that was so vital in hers. He was taller than her, taller than Kaie, but his shoulders were slumped. It made him look small. The boy was holding a small basket to his chest. Once inside, Peren took it from him and the boy, after a quick nod of greeting, darted back into the night. She held the basket out to Kaie.

  “He’s so good.” Peren was beaming. “He almost never cries. Except in the middle of the night, when I’m so exhausted I can barely move. But he’s good enough that the Mistress lets me take him with me when I run deliveries over the estate. I haven’t had to leave him with a wet nurse. Not even once.”

  The baby wrapped up in the basket stared out at Kaie with huge, dark blue eyes. Its skin was pale and perfect, and there was a light dusting of strawberry hair just starting to curl around its ears. A chubby fist shot up, waving in the air as tiny fingers worked open and closed. It smiled at him. She slid her hand into his again and squeezed. He needed the anchor.

  “How old?” Kaie was only vaguely aware that he was speaking. He was caught up in studying this strange creature, trying to decide if he felt any connection to it. Hours ago, he was locked in a cell fantasizing about an imaginary girl and bloody deaths for everyone who caged him. Now he was holding the girl’s hand and looking down at his son. It was surreal.

  “Six months. Almost. He was born three days after they took you away last time. It was early. I was hoping he would wait until you came back. If you did. But Vaughan says the stress of everything… And since they kept you away so much longer, I guess it’s all for the best.”

  He wasn’t sure if he was relieved they didn’t steal the memory of the birth from him, or furious that they deprived him of it. Both, maybe. “His name?”

  “He doesn’t have one. Unless you count ‘little guy’ or the string of curses I occasionally let slip when he wakes me up.” She smiled up at him. “I was waiting for you.”

  Kaie tore his gaze away from the baby. Now he turned his attention to figuring out what was going on with this girl at his side. “Why? I don’t have anyone to name him after. Why not name him after your father, or whatever, and just be done with it?”

  “Well, I didn’t think you’d like Boleslav.”

  He snorted. “Good call there.”

  Her hip swung into his. Bony as it was, he felt the hit. “That’s my father you’re laughing at.”

  “No. You’re right. It’s a fine name. I’m sure no one would ever make fun of a kid with that mouthful.” It was harder to get his snickering under control, the way she glared at him. But he managed. “Seriously, Peren. I didn’t even know your name when I woke. I can’t see a version of this year they’ve stolen where I’m an asset in your life. Why? Are we… Do you love me?”

  “Not yet,” she said slowly, her eyes locked on the boy in the basket.

  “You must know ways. A place like this, there have to be ways to rid yourself of unwanted children. So, if you aren’t in love with me, why would you put yourself through this? Bring a child into this life? Take care of me? Tell me why.”

  “You didn’t want me to.” Peren pulled away and sat back down slowly. This time, there was no flailing. She moved with a grace impossible for the same girl who stood up. He couldn’t help wondering which was the real one. “You told me to get rid of everything you gave me that I didn’t need. Especially a child.”

  His frown deepened. He could feel the lines in his face. “I’m still waiting for that reason, precious.”

  “I was going to do what you said. I went to talk to a woman about… But when I was there I realized that I couldn’t. I need him, Kaie.” She wrapped her arms around her chest, the unshed tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes again. This time, they were his fault. “I need you too. But I won’t lose him. I’ll give you up first, I swear it.”

  Kaie held up h
is free hand in surrender. “I’m not going to ask that. You’ve convinced me. He’s convinced me. I’m just trying to understand.”

  She pursed her lips, considering him. Kaie flashed what he hoped was a comforting grin. She snorted. “One day, you’re going to learn that it takes more than a charming smile to get what you want.”

  “Not today, I hope..” She laughed, and it was a terrifically loud sound to come out of such a little girl. He liked it. “So why do I get to name him? I can’t name him after my father.”

  I’m just going to say that you earned it.”

  “Earned it?”

  “His name. Now will you tell me what it is already? I’ve spent the months in suspense, and I’ve had my fill!”

  Kaie laughed. She was insane. Somehow, it eased the heat of his fury, like aloe on a sunburn. It made complete sense now, how such an odd girl would find a way to worm her way into his head so deeply that the Namer couldn’t remove her. “Keegan.”

  Peren blinked. “Keegan? Like the man who worked the stables with you?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “It just came to me. Is that bad?”

  She smiled and shook her head, leaning forward to brush another light kiss onto his cheek. “No. It’s perfect.”

  Peren freed her hand from his and scooped up the baby, planting a much larger kiss onto the top of the boy’s head. “I can officially welcome you to the world, little guy,” she cooed. “Keegan Boleslav.”

  Five

  It was all so easy. Being with Keegan, with Peren, it all just fell into place as though it always was. Kaie didn’t need to try to make her laugh, and his son was as easy to look after as she promised. Except those nights he was especially tired, again just as she promised. All the emotional confrontations and angry demands were over with by the time she crawled under his blankets – managing to catch his ear with her elbow – the second night.

  He could forget, while they sat with their backs against the wall. Her head would be on his shoulder, their son would sleep in her arms, and they would talk about nothing important. The cell faded away. He could even forget about Kissa and the Namer. Things were so simple, so perfect. Kaie’s anger slid further every night. He could almost be content with their life together.