The Seer (Blood & Fire Saga Book 1) Page 17

  Peter let out a long, sharp breath. “I thought I made it quite clear when we began this that I would not share you.”

  Vaughan felt his eyes widen with his surprise. He swallowed hard and forced himself to look up. “You did, my lord,” he choked out. “It’s not like that, I swear it!”

  “Then it is an attempt to make me jealous?”

  “No! No, I would never… It’s nothing like that, either. It’s just…” He struggled for an answer. He couldn’t tell the truth. Vaughan wasn’t entirely sure he understood the dynamics of what had grown between himself, his sister, and Kaie. There wasn’t any chance that Peter Autumnsong, with his power and all the safety that could be afforded to any man with his proclivities, could understand. But lying had never come easily to Vaughan. He’d grown adept at acting, especially with Peter, but speaking falsehoods was something else entirely. He was afraid he’d be so bad at it that the lord would see right through him. “We are friends. That’s all we’ve ever been. Just like Kaie was with Sojun – that’s the project. He just – Kaie, that is, not Sojun – just needs to say something to his friend. It’s not… I, er, I don’t t–think it’s anything you would disapprove of.”

  The lord stared at him for a long moment. Vaughan fought the urge to shrink up and slink from the room. Finally, Peter’s head tilted down in what was not quite a nod. “If I’m going to help you, I will need something in return.”

  He took a deep breath and forced a smile. “My lord, you know I am always happy to do anything for you.”

  “I’m not talking about your body.” Peter said dismissively. “My mother gave that to me for my birthday last month. I was only waiting to tell you until my owner’s brand was approved by the Registration Office, and I could mark you properly. No, I want something that is worth a good deal more than your body.”

  Vaughan’s fingers drifted up toward his branded shoulder. His stomach churned. He had appreciated the protection belonging to the Mistress Autumnsong provided him. It wasn’t much, but it had meant that Peter would have to ask permission before killing him. It was also a tie to his sister. There had never been a guarantee that they’d be kept together, but now he was certain to be separated from her, should Peter ever secure a marriage. There was not one thing he could do about it.

  “I want your loyalty.”

  He blinked. “W–what do you mean, my lord?”

  “I know how dedicated you are to your sister. I have seen you place her safety and happiness above everything, even your own well–being. I would wager she played a hand in your presence here today. That is what I want from you, Vaughan.” Peter paused and leaned back in his seat. He folded his hands over his lap and gave a cold, humorless smile. “Do you know, there are laws forbidding owners to perform some activities with their own property? The Empress is rather more progressive than those who came before her, and has never been fond of slavery. She placed restrictions to protect you from some things she considers intolerable abuses, when done without your consent. That is why my cousin is required to obtain witnessed and informed compliance before she can place the Lunin on anyone. There are some things I have refrained from sharing with you, because I was not sure you would see the value of them. I worried that you would refuse, or that you might speak of it to others and bring scrutiny down on me. If you give me that same undying loyalty you have for your sister, though, I can reveal every aspect of myself without any fear of rejection or reprisal. For, if you cared more for my happiness than your own, you would not hesitate to agree to any of those… questionable… activities.”

  Vaughan fought to keep his breathing slow and his face free of the dread growing in his stomach. “W–what kind of activities, my l–lord?”

  Peter’s grin grew, putting even the teeth in the back on display. “Do not worry so much. You know the sight of blood makes me queasy.”

  He shuddered.

  “What do you think, pet? Shall I give you what you desire? Will you allow me to reveal my soul to you?”

  The fireplace kept the lord’s study comfortably warm, but Vaughan could not stop shivering. He knew he needed to say no, and he knew that he could not. It had transformed into something far more dangerous than asking for Kaie’s favor. If he refused the Lord Autumnsong now, he would be saying he was not loyal. There was only one way such a declaration would end. Without him to protect her, it was a certainty that Peren would suffer for what had happened to Samuel. When Lady Luna’s torments lost their appeal, Peren would die too. That was what happened to slaves with no value. At least, if he could endure whatever borrors Peter intended, he could ensure they were worth something.

  “Y–y–yes, my lord.”

  Twenty

  The Mistress was due back that night. Vaughan told him that Luna and Josephine were both eager to tell the Lady Autumnsong why two slaves were dead. But while he knew that he might be handed over to Luna’s ministrations as a result of the events of that day, he found it difficult to worry about. There was no way to plan for anything. He didn’t know what Lady Autumnsong would decide to do with him, and he couldn’t impact that decision in any way now.

  It was difficult to spend time with Vaughan, who could do nothing but worry. Peren was better. She never mentioned any concern on the matter. But he still caught her fidgeting with her hair or watching him sadly when she thought he wasn’t looking. Their concern weighed on him, testing his patience and fraying his temper. His time in the stables became increasingly precious.

  It was a better distraction than he expected, giving him large chunks of time where he didn’t think about the dead at all. It wasn’t happiness, but it let him slip into a sort of numbed contentment that was just as soothing as the goop Peren used on his hands that first week.

  He was looking after a stallion, taking care not to get too close to the teeth that were always eager to chomp onto unguarded flesh, when the visitor arrived.

  The sallow husk that rambled up and watched him without a word was, at first, completely unrecognizable. Kaie continued his work for a while, trying to sort out why he was of such interest to what looked like a corpse. Everyone else in the stable was gone, melted away so completely only the stranger’s presence could account for it. He was just starting to worry about plague when he noticed the thick black collar.

  He couldn’t breathe. Everything had crystallized, and if he was terrified that even the smallest movement would shatter it.

  A nip on his hand brought him him back to reality. The press of teeth against his skin was enough to draw blood. It was his own fault, forgetting what he was doing and letting his hand hang in easy reach. And, despite the pain, Kaie was relieved. Finishing his work and wrapping his hand gave him a task to occupy himself. Sojun seemed content to watch, saying nothing and rocking slightly from one leg to the other.

  He finished too quickly. With nothing else to do, there was no reason not to speak. But Kaie still didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t the strong protector from his memories. Sojun was barely a shell of that boy. Kaie couldn’t wrap his mind around this transformation. Even as he noticed features that undeniably belonged to his heart’s brother, he was trying to convince himself he was wrong. Sojun’s hair would never be thinning like that. Those might be his eyes, but they would never be so bloodshot, so vacant. His friend’s shoulders wouldn’t be so stooped, his flesh so loose. But it was Jun. He couldn’t pretend it wasn’t, no matter how hard he worked at it.

  The silence stretched and pulled taut. Either he needed to speak or leave. Even when he opened his mouth, Kaie wasn’t sure which of the two he was picking. He was so grateful for words coming out, he almost didn’t notice what they were.

  “You’re alive.”

  Sojun laughed. But the sound was all wrong. Like he was mimicking a laugh he heard from someone else. It didn’t feel fake. Not exactly. More like displaced.

  The next words were harder. But if he didn’t get them out now, Kaie knew he wouldn’t. He was too much of a coward. “Amorette is d
ead.”

  The husk nodded, his eyes darting up and around like a stone ricocheting off walls before finally settling on the stall door Kaie just closed. “Mistress told me.”

  “Lady Autumnsong?” He was genuinely confused. The question drew another of those odd laughs.

  “Real Mistress. My love. My nightmare. Mistress.” He rubbed at his arms, twitching with every gesture. Kaie couldn’t tell if it was because moving hurt him or because his whole body was shaking. “She says you killed her.”

  His words got stuck on something thick in his throat and came out sounding strangled. “I guess I did.”

  Sojun nodded. Like they were discussing the weather. “Amorette. Ams. I remember her, sometimes. Pretty like sunshine. She came to see me. Mistress brought her. She said you fucked her.”

  Kaie flinched. “Yeah.” He took a deep breath, forcing the words past the blockage developing in his throat. “I’m so sorry, Jun.”

  “She wanted me to hurt. Mistress too. Mistress likes it when I hurt. Hurting will make me stronger. But I didn’t. Not then. Not for that. I told her. She got mad, but I told her.”

  “Told her?” Kaie wasn’t even sure which ‘her’ they were talking about, or if Sojun knew.

  “I forgive him. You. I told her. She was mad. Mistress was mad. Said it was weak. I’m not supposed to be weak. But I don’t lie to Mistress, so the girl wasn’t allowed to hit me.”

  Kaie rocked backward. “You forgive me?”

  “That’s what I told her,” Sojun answered, not seeming to understand what Kaie meant. “The first time she was mad and Mistress was mad. But last time, Mistress said it was okay. That it was good. Because you were going to come see me soon, and we should still be friends. She doesn’t know about this. Not yet. But she’ll be happy, when I tell her. She wants us to be friends. And you’re coming to stay soon.”

  “Last time?” He tried to sort out what the man was saying. “Amorette told you we had sex more than once?”

  “Sixty–seven times. Counting, counting. Every time it’s not me, she counts. She says you are bigger than me. Better. That you make her scream so loud the people in your house want to move out.”

  “What?” Kaie struggled to keep the anger out of his voice. “No! One time, Jun. Just one. It was a mistake. I don’t know why Amorette said that, but I swear it was only the one time.” That was a lie. He knew exactly why she said it. She wanted to hurt them both, as much as she could.

  “I told her, I forgive you. Amorette was weak. She had to be weak, to be dead. Only the weak ones die.” He frowned, the right side of his face jerking independently of the rest of the expression. “I was weak, once. Before Mistress taught me how to be strong. I said things. Secrets. Bad secrets, ones that were supposed to stay hidden inside me until they put me in the ground. One about you.”

  “I know. It’s okay, Jun. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Sojun spat at his feet. “Was! I was weak! Filthy, bad, weak!” His face shifted. Emptied. Like something reached in and yanked out whatever was left inside the husk of his friend. When he looked back to Kaie, there was nothing recognizable in those hollow eyes. “Don’t let her get you, Rosy. Better weak, better dead, better anything, then with Mistress.”

  “I don’t get a say in it, Jun.” Needing some excuse to look away, Kaie headed over to where the feed was kept. Better that, then stare into that vacant face another second. “All I can do is wait and see what Lady Autumnsong decides to do with me.”

  Fingers that were more like claws wrapped around his arm. They dug in so deeply it hurt. “She’ll give you to Mistress. Has to. Mistress said so. But you can’t let her. Take the other way. Promise. Promise you’ll take the other way.”

  “There isn’t another way! If I die, they’ll blame Peren! I can’t do that to her! Same thing if I try to run! There’s nothing I can do that won’t get her killed!”

  “Not nothing. Bad, filthy, weak. But not hers. Not dead. Keep your promise. Not nothing. Something. I can help. Keep her from getting you.” Sojun dropped his hold. The stable doors called to Kaie, pleading with him to walk out now. He’d seen enough, said enough. He could walk away and wait for tomorrow with that one thing lifted from his conscience. That could be enough.

  He turned around. Sojun’s face split into a grin, the right side still jerking. “Tell me.”

  Twenty–One

  “Lord Peter won’t let me see you tomorrow,” Vaughan said miserably, poking at the food in the bowl with a clear lack of interest. “I tried explaining, but… he’s afraid of what Lady Luna would think. He didn’t want to let me come tonight.”

  Kaie smiled. “It’s okay. Honestly, I think you’re making this too big of a deal. The Lady Autumnsong likes me, remember? And Stephan said he’s going to tell her how invaluable I am at the stables. I bet she decides I get a few lashes, and then things go back to normal.”

  “Yeah,” Vaughan said, the boy’s tone making it very clear he wasn’t convinced. “You’re probably right. No big deal. I need to get back. Dinner was perfect, Peren. Thanks.”

  “Hey,” Kaie regretted the word even as he said it. Better he just let Vaughan go. “Thanks. For everything you’ve done since the minute you walked into that tent and healed me.”

  Vaughan smiled. “It’s been an honor, Bruhani.”

  “What does that mean, anyway?”

  The boy blinked. “You don’t know? I thought Peren would have told you.”

  Peren giggled, waving her hands frantically. “Don’t you tell him, Auny!” She looked to Kaie and winked. “Ask again after tomorrow.”

  He grinned. “When I earn it?”

  She nodded. Vaughan rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I think you two are trying to drive me crazy.”

  “We are,” Kaie teased. That won him another giggle. “Get some sleep tonight, Vaughan. I’ll see you on the other side, yeah?”

  After a minute of scrutiny, where Kaie feared he tipped his hand, the boy nodded. “Okay, yeah. I’ll see you then.”

  The minute the blanket fell back over the door, Peren was tugging the bowl out of his hands and collected Vaughan’s as well. He let it go without much of a fight, most of the food was gone already. He didn’t feel particularly inclined to eat the salted pork. Ever again, actually.

  He watched as she arranged the bowls in a neat little triangle in the far corner of the shack. Then, with her back still turned to him, she tugged off her shirt. Kaie choked on the noise coming out of his throat and quickly threw his gaze to the opposite wall. Not before he caught sight of bandages wrapped around her chest, and her milky white skin. A blush crept up his neck and into his cheeks. Certain she didn’t have any idea how uncomfortable she was making him, he struggled to come up with anything to say that wasn’t about how very topless she was.

  “Are you…” He cleared his throat of whatever was making his voice squeak and tried again. “Are you hurt?”

  “No.”

  “But those bandages…” He bit back a curse. He shouldn’t be this awkward. Not with her. He shouldn’t be thinking about how much softer the lines of her shoulders and curve of her back looked without a shirt.

  “I have to hide,” she answered as though he managed to finish the question. “I told you, I’m invisible. If I go around looking too much like a girl, someone is bound to notice. So, I wear big clothes and hide all the curvy bits under bandages Vaughan brings me. But I don’t want to hide right now.”

  Kaie dared a glance in her direction.

  “Oh.”

  She was still Peren, still tiny and more sharp angles than anything else. But her chest wasn’t flat anymore. She had taken off the bandages. She hadn’t put on another shirt. And her hips… “Oh.”

  She smiled. “Good, then?”

  He shook his head, struggling to hold on to any thought that wasn’t about her hips. Or her skin. Or… were her lips always that plump? “What’s going on, Peren?”

  Her smile took on a different look, a sexier look. Things were sp
inning out of control. He wasn’t supposed to wonder what kissing her would be like. “Whatever happens tomorrow, this is the last night you’re mine. There’s not going to be anything I regret about it.”

  Something in his head was broken. It wouldn’t produce anything resembling intelligence. “How old are you?”

  She laughed. It was the same laugh as before, loud and not at all ladylike. But it was different, too. Now he was hearing an element that was always there, but that he never noticed before. Like she shoved his perception of him slightly left and now he was seeing all the things that made her absolutely intoxicating.

  “Old enough to know you just said goodbye to my brother. A real goodbye. Old enough to know that anything that happens between us tonight is going to make whatever you’re planning for tomorrow hurt so much more. Young enough to think it will be worth it.”

  She was absolutely determined to remove his ability to speak. There was no other explanation. Not for what she was saying, not for the way she dropped down in front of him. Gracefully. Like that day at the stream.

  Then life snapped back the way it was supposed to be. Not exactly. He was still thinking about her lips, and her breasts, and her hips. But now he was also thinking about why he was there, instead of finding a wife in his village or staring up at the roof of his shack in East Field.

  “Peren, I’m not in love with you.” Not yet, a part of him whispered.

  She placed her hand on the side of his face. The same as she did so often when he fought his way free of the nightmares. But different now. “I know.”

  “Amorette…”

  “I know that, too.” She sighed and sat back. He fought to keep his eyes on her face. “I’m not asking you to forget her. You wouldn’t, even if you could. And I’m not asking you to lie to me.”

  If it were anyone but Peren saying it, Kaie wouldn’t believe. Even with her, after all she did for him, it was hard. Amorette’s cackle echoing in his head made it nearly impossible. But it was Peren.